An easy way to pick your programming language

[Sungazer]

lol im sure you've all seen these before but they are awsome to read through and if

youve ever done any programming with them they should ring pretty true for you

 

 

 

There is many a programming language available on the market today but

which is the best for you??? The following list should help you with your

choice.

 

Selecting a Programming Language

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Assembler - A formula I race car. Very fast but difficult to drive

and maintain.

 

FORTRAN II - A Model T Ford. Once it was the king of the road.

 

FORTRAN IV - A Model A Ford.

 

FORTRAN 77 - a six-cylinder Ford Fairlane with standard transmission

and no seat belts.

 

COBOL - A delivery van. It's bulky and ugly but it does the work.

 

BASIC - A second-hand Rambler with a rebuilt engine and patched

upholstery. Your dad bought it for you to learn to drive.

You'll ditch it as soon as you can afford a new one.

 

PL/I - A Cadillac convertable with automatic transmission, a

two-tone paint job, white-wall tires, chrome exhaust

pipes, and fuzzy dice hanging in the windshield.

 

C - A black Firebird, the all macho car. Comes with optional

seatbelt (lint) and optional fuzz buster (escape to

assembler).

 

ALGOL 60 - An Austin Mini. Boy that's a small car.

 

Pascal - A Volkswagon Beetle. It's small but sturdy. Was once

popular with intellectual types.

 

Modula II - A Volkswagon Rabbit with a trailer hitch.

 

ALGOL 68 - An Aston Martin. An impressive car but not just anyone

can drive it.

 

LISP - An electric car. It's simple but slow. Seat belts are

not available.

 

PROLOG/LUCID - Prototype concept cars.

 

Maple/MACSYMA - All-terrain vehicles.

 

FORTH - A go-cart.

 

LOGO - A kiddie's replica of a Rolls Royce. Comes with a

real engine and a working horn.

 

APL - A double-decker bus. It takes rows and columns of

passengers to the same place all at the same time

but it drives only in reverse and is instrumented

in Greek.

 

Ada - An army-green Mercedes-Benz staff car. Power steering,

power brakes, and automatic transmission are standard.

No other colors or options are available. If it's good

enough for generals, it's good enough for you.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Having Choosen you language Just how easy (or Not!!) is it to use??

 

TASK :- To Shoot Yourself In The Foot

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

 

C: You shoot yourself in the foot.

 

C++: You accidentally create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot

them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is

impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are

just pointing at others and saying, "That's me, over there."

 

FORTRAN: You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out

of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of

bullets, you continue with the attempts to shoot yourself anyways

because you have no exception-handling capability.

 

Pascal: The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot.

 

Ada: After correctly packing your foot, you attempt to concurrently load

the gun, pull the trigger, scream, and shoot yourself in the foot. When

you try, however, you discover you can't because your foot is of the

wrong type.

 

COBOL: Using a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place

ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to

HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be re-tied.

 

LISP: You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which

you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which

you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which

you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which

you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which

you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds...

 

FORTH: Foot in yourself shoot.

 

Prolog: You tell your program that you want to be shot in the foot. The

program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't permit it to

explain it to you.

 

BASIC: Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On large systems,

continue until entire lower body is waterlogged.

 

Visual Basic: You'll really only _appear_ to have shot yourself in the

foot, but you'll have had so much fun doing it that you won't care.

 

HyperTalk: Put the first bullet of gun into foot left of leg of you.

Answer the result.

 

Motif: You spend days writing a UIL description of your foot, the bullet,

its trajectory, and the intricate scrollwork on the ivory handles of the

gun. When you finally get around to pulling the trigger, the gun jams.

 

APL: You shoot yourself in the foot, then spend all day figuring out how

to do it in fewer characters.

 

SNOBOL: If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If you fail,

shoot yourself in the right foot.

 

Unix:

% ls

foot.c foot.h foot.o toe.c toe.o

% rm * .o

rm:.o no such file or directory

% ls

%

 

Concurrent Euclid: You shoot yourself in somebody else's foot.

 

370 JCL: You send your foot down to MIS and include a 400-page document

explaining exactly how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your

foot comes back deep-fried.

 

Paradox: Not only can you shoot yourself in the foot, your users can, too.

 

Access: You try to point the gun at your foot, but it shoots holes in all

your Borland distribution diskettes instead.

 

Revelation: You're sure you're going to be able to shoot yourself

in the foot, just as soon as you figure out what all these nifty

little bullet-thingies are for.

 

Assembler: You try to shoot yourself in the foot, only to discover you

must first invent the gun, the bullet, the trigger, and your foot.

 

Modula2: After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in

this language, you shoot yourself in the head.

 

VMS:

 

$ MOUNT/DENSITY=.45/LABEL=BULLET/MESSAGE="BYE" BULLET::BULLET$GUN SYS$BULLET

$ SET GUN/LOAD/SAFETY=OFF/SIGHT=NONE/HAND=LEFT/CHAMBER=1/ACTION=AUTOMATIC/

LOG/ALL/FULL SYS$GUN_3$DUA3:[000000]GUN.GNU

$ SHOOT/LOG/AUTO SYS$GUN SYS$SYSTEM:[FOOT]FOOT.FOOT

 

%DCL-W-ACTIMAGE, error activating image GUN

-CLI-E-IMGNAME, image file $3$DUA240:[GUN]GUN.EXE;1

-IMGACT-F-NOTNATIVE, image is not an OpenVMS Alpha AXP image

 

oh well, almost..

 

 

FORTH: Foot in yourself shoot.

 

self dup >foot shoot

 

[Wizard]

Python: ftw.

[Sungazer]

hahaha yes python is an amazing scripting language

[awesomegamer]

According to this, C i the least complicated and most effective programming language.

[Sungazer]

hahaha ya im not so sure i agree with that either

but then again its comical and sposed to bring a

laugh so who really cares

[phoexer]

Hats off,

 

*Gets on knees bowing to sungazer*

 

i started reading this, had to stop like three times cuz i was laughing so hard.

Ouch, my chest hurts you'd better be paying my medical bills.

 

Man where on EARTH did you find this?

Ultimate respect.

[Sungazer]

lol they are actually old, i remember reading these a number of years ago, but i found them

trolling through a random message board or something.

 

im sure if you just google search 'programming humor' it would pull it up as well, cheers

[Doctor Steel]

Hah, I remember that Xkcd strip. I also remember when they used

import soul

to give their EEE PC in a hamster ball a soul. Good times, good times.

[karthiflash]

I will go for for ACTIONscripting since it is silently used in various web developments