sexist jokes here

[AverageJoe]

How many men does it take to open a beer?

None. It should be opened when she brings it.

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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?

Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

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Why do women have smaller feet than men?

It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

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How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?

When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me."

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How do you fix a woman's watch?

You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

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Why do men fart more than women?

Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?

The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

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I married a Miss Right.

I just didn't know her first name was Always.

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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's [bleeped!] drive by 90%.

It's called wedding cake.

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Why do men die before their wives?

They want to.

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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.

Then God created Man and rested.

Then God created Woman.

Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

 

 

wo strangers, a man and a woman, are sitting next to each other on a trans-Atlantic flight.

 

Suddenly, the plane plummets out of control. In panic, the woman turns to the man, tears off her blouse and cries,

 

"Make me feel like a woman one more time!"

 

Rising to the occasion, the man tears off his shirt and says "Here, iron this."