tech support

[ipoddude]

>

 

>Dear Tech Support:

 

>

 

>

 

> Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife

 

>1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began

 

>unexpected child processing that took up a lot of

 

>space and valuable resources. No mention of this was

 

>included with the product information. In addition,

 

>Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and

 

>now launches during system initialization, where it

 

>monitors all other system activity. Applications such

 

>as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing

 

>7.5, and Racing 3.6 no longer run, crashing the system

 

>whenever selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in

 

>the background while attempting to run my favorite

 

>applications. I'm thinking about going back to

 

>Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife

 

>1.0.

 

>

 

>Please help!

 

>

 

>Thanks, A Troubled User.

 

>

 

>REPLY:

 

>

 

>Dear Troubled User:

 

>

 

> This is a very common problem that men complain

 

>about. It is due to a primary misconception. Many

 

>people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0,

 

>thinking that it is merely a Utilities and

 

>Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM

 

>and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It

 

>is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to

 

>Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating systems files cause

 

>Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0, so nothing is

 

>gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or

 

>purge the program files from the system once

 

>installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0

 

>because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Some

 

>have tried Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with

 

>more problems than in the original system. Look in

 

>your Wife 1.0 manual under "Warnings-Alimony/Child

 

>Support." I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work

 

>on improving the situation. I suggest installing the

 

>background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate

 

>software augmentation. Having installed Wife 1.0

 

>myself, I also suggest that you read the entire

 

>section regarding 'General Partnership Faults'!

 

>(GPFs.) Your Wife 1.0 does a scan for GPFs during it's

 

>monthly program maintenance scan (PMS). You must

 

>assume joint responsibility for any faults and

 

>problems that occur, regardless of their cause. You

 

>will also find that GPFs are cyclical. The best course

 

>of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE. Avoid

 

>excessive use of C:\YESDEAR because ultimately you

 

>will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the

 

>system will return to normal anyway. Remember, the

 

>system will run smoothly as long as you share the

 

>blame for all GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but

 

>it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes

 

>with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep

 

>3.0, Cook It 1.5 (which replaces Burn It 1.0), and Do

 

>Bills 4.2. You must, however, be very careful how you

 

>use these programs. Improper use will cause the system

 

>to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens,

 

>the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is

 

>to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers

 

>2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 should this happen.

 

>

 

>WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install

 

>Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is

 

>not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible

 

>damage to the operating system.

 

>

 

>

 

>Best of luck, Tech Support

 

>